Ode to a Shoulder, or How Much Does a Grecian Earn?
This is from my friend, Pat Armstrong, apartment 1111 in Casa Decrepita, Eugene OR. Pat and "herRichie" have been married 50+ years, and are delightful, witty, Catholic (both converts long ago), Cal grads (but I don't hold it against them) and dying. Pat is a breast cancer survivor, but the cancer's returned and her oncologist doesn't know why she's still living. Rich has Alzheimer's. They both have other ailments too numerous to count. Pat is a wonderful writer of short stories and poems (pronounced with two syllables, please), but occasionally she dabbles in doggerel (hope you appreciate the alliteration, Pat). I speak of them in the Called and Gifted workshop when I talk about how God teaches us about love. I've learned plenty about self-giving love from being around them.
Anyway, here's a bit of doggerel from the Mac of Pat. Thanks, love!
No doubt he'd like services of a concierge-ery
as he recovers from surgery...
& he's wondering if his doc's into perjury
as to whether pain is a relative thing
like comparing tightened rope to a bit o' string;
oh, well there is comparison in everything.
As his pals check out his residence folder,
'tis wondered why he'd opt to be bolder
recovering in a clime much colder
than the desert in sunny Tucson
where he shuffles, sockless, with just boots-on,
'though some there end up with a noose on...
& so we hope that soon his day be
pain free and agile, 'though maybe
to know PAIN, let him try having a....BABY!
posted by Fr. Mike, O.P. @ 10:04 PM
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I had my most inspired speaking moment long before I was paid to jabber at people.
The first thing that I discovered was how readily lay Catholics tended to treat you as an "authority" and ask you questions on all kinds of subjects other than the one you are supposed to speak on.
So naturally, although my little presentation was supposed to be on the development of the canon of Scriptures, an angry woman asked me about why women couldn't be ordained.
I had been Catholic exactly 3 months at that point and didn't know much about Church teaching on the topic since it hadn't been a burning issue for me. I hesitated because I was uncertain exactly how to handle the sudden turn in topic. But one guy, a rather big and paunchy fellow sitting next to a small, dispirited woman who I assumed was his wife, had the answer:
"Women", he solemnly assured us, "couldn't be ordained as priests because priests have to be ready to suffer martyrdom and women can't tolerate much pain."
I was so stunned by his response that I don't remember thinking at all. My mouth seemed to open on its own and this question just rolled out:
"Have you ever had a baby?"
The room erupted. The prayer group seemed to be full of women cheering and convulsed with laughter. The man responsible paled and seemed to visibly deflate before my eyes and slunk of the room, totally humiliated.
I didn't know it then but I had already reached the pinnacle of my teaching career and should have stopped while I was ahead. I'll never know a moment of pure inspiration like that again.
Let that be a lesson to you, Fr. MIke. Don't ever compare pain with a woman who has had a baby!
Or don't get into a battle of wits with an uppity lay woman. Here's Pat's response to seeing my post:
Nothing proves more a priest's foggerel
than when he posts a penitent's doggerel
on his bloomin' bloggerel!
Yet, we're still opining
that his demeanor he's refining
as he sleeps atilt, reclining.
The last bit refers to my inability to sleep in a bed this time due to my recovering shoulder.
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